National Coming Out Day - October 11

National Coming Out Day (NCOD) 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Coming_Out_Day 

This is an annual awareness day that is observed on October 11 to support any LGBT+ member "coming out" of the closet, whether it be to their significant other, their family, their smaller circle of friends, colleagues, or the whole world.

The first NCOD in the United States was in 1988 (marking its 35th anniversary in 2022).  

NCOD Observance is also done in Ireland, Switzerland, the Netherlands, and United Kingdom. 

In the United States, NCOD is sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign with annual themes.

At the very beginning, it was grounded in the feminist and gay/ lesbian liberation spirit and the most basic form of activism being living life as an openly lesbian or gay person. The psychology behind this is that homophobia thrives in an atmosphere of silence and ignorance. People who know they are loved by their family, friends, and colleagues, even after coming out, are far less likely to maintain homophobic or oppressive views.

I do not personally care too much about that psychological explanation. I don't believe all gays and lesbians, and other LGBT+ members, suffer from homophobia. At least my simple child does not, other than some non-believing jokes about moving to Texas with me and being shot in the parking lot (however, for that valid phobia, I am willing to allow her to live with her father in California in her senior year of high school, so that she could have her peace of mind). I also don't believe by coming out, homophobia will go away overnight. It is more complicated than that.

But, as someone who is somewhat free spirited, someone who wants to treat others the way she wants to be treated, I want to be my truest self, I want to hold up my value system (which may overlap but not necessarily identical to other value systems such as the law, culture, or religions). I want the freedom to make my own conscious decisions and take full responsibilities for the consequences, while at the same time making sure I am a contributing member of the society and I am here to marginally make the world a better place.

One of the biggest social transitions we did early on after my kid came out to me was to take her to our local Pride Fest. I was up close and cheering and whistling and waving. I was wearing rainbow all over me. I was a strong ally, basically. But, I was not a member. I knew the euphoria I got was coming from being a good and supportive person, not from being accepted or belonging like the real LGBT+ members feel. My child, shy and worried, hid behind a tree peeking out most of the time, she did not want to be associated with a crazy and loud mom, but, I saw the beaming light in her eyes and the blush cheeks on her face. She was clearly excited, and I, in that moment, knew for sure I must accompany her on this long journey to happiness, and I will fight if I have to.

 

LGBT+ History Month - October

This is not to be confused with LGBT+ Pride Month, which is usually June.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_History_Month

In the United States, Canada, and Australia, it is celebrated in October. In Hungary and the United Kingdom it is observed during February (in the UK this coincides with a major celebration of the 2003 abolition of Section 28). In Berlin, the capital of Germany, it is in May (known as Queer History Month). 

In the United States, October was chosen as the month for the celebration because the first and second LGBT Marches on Washington, in 1979 and 1987, were in October; National Coming Out Day (NCOD) is on October 11 to mark the date of the Second March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights in 1987, and October is within the academic calendar year.  

LGBT History Month is intended to encourage honesty and openness about being LGBT. While it was first known as Lesbian and Gay History Month, it has become known as LGBTQ+ History Month.

Medical Terms

I am just a mom that is doing her own homework and taking notes of things she learns along the way.

Some of the things I jot down might be common knowledge for some of you, but we are all different and I am sure there are also people like me who start from zero. 

As an educator, I now follow this approach in teaching - never assume students already knew something, always assume they knew nothing in the background.

* Specialists *

"It takes a whole village to raise a child." Similarly, transitioning is a team work.

Therapist

Psychologist

Psychotherapist

Psychiatrist

Social worker

* Medications *

It is critically important to know what we put into our (child's) body and the short-term and long-term side effects, many of which are yet known due to the first generations of teen trans have not reached their 50s-60s.

Oestradiol pill - a gender-affirming hormone in the form of pills

Sprionolactone - a testosterone suppression medication

Estriol - a sex steroids that would make the penis shrink

Lupron - NO!!!

Puberty blockers - controversial treatment from state to state

* Surgeries *

Except for the chest or breast removal (FtM without puberty blockers), most are *bottom* surgeries. Not all trans choose to have surgeries due to various reason, including affordability and internal desire.

For trans girls (MtF)

Penile inversion - note that only male-born that did not go through circumcision could do this

Testicles removal (disposal)

Erectile tissue removal (disposal)

Orchiectomy (same as vaginoplasty)

Phalloplasty (not functional)

Scrotectomy (scrotal tissue removal) 

Vulvoplasty (zero-depth vagina and vulva construction using the scrotal and penil tissue)

Vaginoplasty (vagina construction)

Medioplasty

Urethra cut short (and placed in female position)

Uterus (ovalry transplant) - this is the future of health care which may allow trans girls to be pregnant

For trans boys (FtM) - including top and bottom surgeries

Bilateral masectomy (chest reconstruction) - by far the most common

Hysterectomy (removing reproductive organs, required for some other surgeries)

Oophorectomy (same as hysterectomy)

Metoidioplasty (clitory release)

Scrotoplasty (crotum construction)

Uretheroplasty (urethral canal creation)

Vaginectomy (vaginal tissue removal to close the opening)

Phalloplasty (phallus/ penis-alike construction using a graft from another part of the body)

* Others *

Last but definitely not least, there are other things that are optional but could help significantly in emotional behavior.

Electrolysis (laser hair removal using electric needle) - for trans girls

Breast augmentation (silicone or silibreast implants) - for trans girls

Facial feminization (face bone contouring) - for trans girls

Fertility preservation (cryo preservation) - for both

(which could cost $1,000 in the first year and $150-300 for the subsequent years' preservation).

LGBT Rights in the United States

LGBT rights progress - in the United States

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_the_United_States

* Same-gender sex *

It is hard to believe that not too long ago, in 1962, all 50 states criminalized same-gender sexual activities!!!

By 2003 all remaining laws against same-sex sexual activity were invalidated with the last one in Lawrence v. Texas. 

* Marriage *

The movement to obtain civil marriage rights and benefits for same-sex couples in the United States began in the 1970s but remained unsuccessful for over forty years. 

On May 17, 2004, Massachusetts became the first U.S. state and the sixth jurisdiction in the world to legalize same-sex marriage following the Supreme Judicial Court's decision six months earlier.

Before nationwide legalization, same-sex marriage became legal in 36 states; twenty-four states by court order, nine by legislative action, and three by referendum. Some states had legalized same-sex marriage by more than one of the three actions.

On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges that states must license and recognize same-sex marriages. Consequently, same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, Guam, U.S. Virgin Islands, and Northern Mariana Islands.

Currently, same-sex marriages are neither licensed nor recognized in American Samoe, due to its unique constitutional status. 

The legal status of same-sex marriage also varies in Native American tribal nations, as their reservations are considered sovereign entities and were not affected by the Supreme Court's legalization in 2015.

* Anti-discrimination laws *

U.S. federal law does not explicitly include protections against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. 

In June 2020, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that sexual orientation and gender identity are included under "sex" as a prohibited ground of employment discrimination in the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The ruling may impact other federal civil rights barring sex discrimination in education, health care, housing, and financial credit.

Explicit and comprehensive anti-discrimination protections based on sexual orientation and gender identity are considered by the United States Congress under the Equality Act (May 17, 2019). As of July 27, 2020, the bill remains in the Senate.

* Employment *

There is no federal statute explicitly addressing employment discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. 

However, in June 2020, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that sexual orientation and gender identity are included under "sex" as a prohibited ground of employment discrimination in the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This effectively means that in the U.S., no employer can fire an employee on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.

Twenty-four states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, Guam, and over 140 cities and counties have enacted bans on discrimination based on sexual orientation and/or sexual identity. 

Additionally, some states have laws or regulations that ban discrimination based on gender identity and/or sexual orientation in public employment only. 

At the start of 2010, the Obama Administration included gender identity among the classes protected against discrimination under the authority of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). 

In 2012, the EEOC ruled that Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 does not allow gender identity-based employment discrimination because it is a form of sexual discrimination.

On July 21, 2014, President Obama signed Executive Order 13672, adding "gender identity" to the categories protected against discrimination in hiring in the federal civilian workforce, and both "sexual orientation" and "gender identity" to the categories protected against discrimination in hiring and employment on the part of federal government contractors and sub-contractors.

President Obama's related Executive Order 13673 required federal contractors to prove their compliance with labor laws, but President Trump revoked this requirement on March 27, 2017.

* Housing *

In 2012, the United States Department of Housing and Urban Development's Office of Fair Housing and Equal Opportunity issued a regulation called "Equal Access" to prohibit LGBT discrimination in federally-assisted housing programs.

It ensures that the Department's core housing programs are open to all eligible persons, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. In 2019, however, there was an attempt to weaken the regulation.

Transgender Athletes

https://www.hrc.org/resources/get-the-facts-about-transgender-non-binary-athletes

Article by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC).

*** Twenty states, the IOC, and the NCAA have allowed trans athletes to play sports for decades, with no problems ***

The alternative way to look at the flip-side of the coin is, nearly thirty states and many sports associations have some form of restrictions towards trans athletes, and it is very discouraging.

My child does not play super manly/ boyish team sports like the typical American kids (football, baseball, soccer, basketball...) or other individual competitive varsity sports (swimming, wrestling, tennis, you name it!). My child does/ did get exposed to some uncommon individual activities (table tennis, fencing, curling, sailing, soon, rowing) and the thing she expresses an interest to continue to pursue at college level is fencing. 

However, due to the way sports are always organized by gender (practice, competitions, rankings, coaching, or the locker room per se), the severe gender dysphoria (with the aid of COVID) made her gradually withdraw from fencing completely. Currently a junior, I do hope she will pick up fencing again, that is, if her future college has it. One of the fair concerns as we assume she would have her name and pronouns legally changed by then, but not her gender, and we do not know how it will affect her access to sport teams. (Note: it should be a topic of another post but, she must change her gender in the state where she was born, unfortunately, it was Texas, and Texas would not allow gender change until bottom surgeries are done, which might never happen to some trans due to the high costs and high risks).

To sum up the situation: (mostly directly targeting transgender girls and women in sports)

2015 used to be the worst year for LGBTQA+ community.

2021 surpassed it as the new worst year, with 250+ anti-LGBTQA+ bills enacted, 35+ towards trans girl athletes.

2022 continued the trend, with at least 55 new anti-LGBTQA+ bills under consideration across states.

What could you do? What could we do? What could I do?

Fact #1: some particular trans girls might have physical advantages that help them in sports of their choices (height in volleyball, for example).

Fact #2: natural variation of such physical attributes is a part of sports, any sport, especially at younger age and they are not always advantages.

Fact #3: not all trans girls have the so-called physical advantages, just like any youth, they have varying physical attributes and interests in sports.    

Fact #4: kids should be allowed to play sports that they enjoy, because playing sports has known benefits emotionally, socially, and mentally.

In conclusion, this is not just adding more discrimination to a minority group that is already marginalized in many social contexts, particularly school, but also a poor practice of inclusion.

My girl, for example, is currently about 5' 5" or 5' 6" and maybe 120 lbs which is considered on the smaller size even for biologically born girls. She also prays every day that she stops growing taller or bolder because she really wants to have the feminine look. Physically, she is not that much stronger than me, who is a 42-year-young female after two pregnancies.

My Amber Girl

Today, I found out about my kid's chosen name. As you can see, the "my daughter/ my girl/ she/ her" pronoun has not come naturally to me when I talk about my child and there are various reasons for that.

- My child is not ready to come out publicly (not even to their siblings) and I am unsure what I should do but I think my child should be the lead

- In most social contexts, except for being in a private closed-door room with their physician, I have to refer to them as "he/ him/ his" to avoid unnecessary attention 

- Between going half-way to "they/ them/ their" and all the way to "she/ her/ her", I am not convinced one is better than the other or two-step is needed

- My child has a very masculine first name, and not making it better, a very masculine nickname, which they have learned how to ignore/ to cope with

Anyway, we have made little progress. The first appointment with the specialists at the Gender Health Services won't happen until mid-October. And I suspect hormone therapy won't start before 2023. 

We have bought girl clothing for their first job at the pizzeria. It is barely noticeable due to the fact these are tan uniform shorts and pants and look almost unisex to me. They excitedly whispered into my ears "the girls' pockets are so shallow".

We have shaved the whole body down - armpit, legs, private. It feels good for a short while but we now have to explore waxing or laser treatment for long-lasting effects. The joy on the face, the beaming light in the eyes, somebody really hated the hair.

We have bought a few small girl accessories - some pink stuff for the room, a tiara, I am not ready to paint the wall but definitely want to go with bedding and unisex clothing (it is not easy to do things in a subtle way so that my other kid would not notice yet). 

We have thought of changing preferred name as well as changing legal name on the documents, preferably matching in time to avoid issues during high school graduation, college application, and similar matters. They never told me what name they would like.

Today, we have received a shirt in the mail. This was bought by my kid using some gift card money from their best friend as a birthday gift not long ago when they turned sixteen. 

The label was addressed to "Amber..." My heart just melted. I will save the envelope in my keepsakes, it marks a significant step for us. One is lucky to pick their own names? :)

AMBER

Amber is of French, Latin, Celtic origin, meaning “amber-colored”. This gemstone name is derived from the Arabic Ambar, meaning “jewel”. In Hindi, Amber has roots in Sanskrit, meansing“the sky”. This precious moniker is related to Opal, Sapphire, Ruby, and Pearl. 

Amber is actually fossilized resin from evergreen trees. It looks and feels similar and is often treated as gemstone, having been a popular element in decoration and adornment for many years. Many believe amber stone has a number of mystical/ metaphysical properties.

Amber is a feminine given name taken from amber, the fossilized tree resin. The word can also refer to a yellowish-orange or golden brown color and very rarely, blue amber. Amber is used to make jewelry, which has helped inspire that name and brought it to popularity. 

 

Popularity-wise, since its onset in the 1800s Amber remained uncommon until the 1950s, likely due to Kathleen Winsor's 1944 novel "Forever Amber". The name Amber really took off in the 1960s and '70s and was in the top 20 names for girls in the U.S. from 1981 to 1993.

 

1974 marks the year that Amber finally achieved a top 100 spot, a position Amber would hold for the next 30 years. Amber reached peak popularity in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The name Amber got as high as the 13th most popular girl's name in the United States in 1986.

 

Amber is a name that indicates a gift of gab. Amber is expressive, optimistic, outgoing, and inspiring, charming and cheerful. Amber fascinates others with creativity, especially in writing. In 2018, Amber declined in usage to 471th most popular girl's names.

 

Note: I just purchased "Forever Amber" by Kathleen Winsor from eBay, an amber ring and an amber necklace from Amazon. They are to be shipped to "Amber .... " at our address :)

UCSF Gender-Affirming Guidelines

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/

Guidelines for the Primary and Gender-Affirming Care of Transgender and Gender Nonbinary People

By the University of California in San Francisco (UCSF) as the standard.  

Table of Contents - so that we have an idea of the broad topics.

• Introduction to the guidelines
• Contributors
• Grading of evidence
• Terminology and definitions
• Creating a safe and welcoming clinic environment
• Transgender patients and the physical examination
• Overview of gender affirming treatments and procedures
• Initiating hormone therapy
• Overview of feminizing hormone therapy
• Overview of masculinizing hormone therapy
• Pelvic pain and persistent menses in transgender men
• Approach to genderqueer, gender non-conforming, and gender nonbinary people
• Cardiovascular disease
• Diabetes mellitus
• Bone health and osteoporosis
• Transgender health and HIV
• Transgender health and hepatitis C
• Transgender people and sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
• Testicular and scrotal pain and related complaints
• Free silicone and other filler use
• Fertility options for transgender persons
• General approach to cancer screening in transgender people
• Screening for breast cancer in transgender women
• Prostate and testicular cancer considerations in transgender women
• Breast cancer screening in transgender men
• Screening for cervical cancer in transgender men
• Ovarian and endometrial cancer considerations in transgender men
• Mental health considerations with transgender and gender nonconforming clients
• Postoperative care and common issues after masculinizing chest surgery
• Perioperative and postoperative care for feminizing augmentation mammaplasty
• Vaginoplasty procedures, complications, and aftercare
• Phalloplasty and metoidioplasty - overview and postoperative considerations
• Hysterectomy
• Binding, packing, and tucking
• Hair removal
• Transgender voice and communication - vocal health and considerations
• Health insurance coverage issues for transgender people in the United States
• Legal and identity documents
• Sex-segregated systems
• Homeless transgender individuals
• Health considerations for gender non-conforming children and transgender adolescents